Kathryn Hodgson

NLP in a nutshell

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is gaining popularity both in the business and therapy world, but what is it? Here I will aim to give you an insight into the wonderful world of NLP….

 As we grow up we learn beliefs about ourselves and the world around us both from experience and what we are taught, and sometimes these beliefs become outdated or limiting, eg. if a dog scared us when we are little this could turn into a phobia as adults. NLP gives us a way of learning how our brain is programmed, and techniques to help us change the patterns of behaviour that we find hold us back in life. 

We can also learn how to pick up on clues to someone else’s programming so as to improve communication with them, and even influence them. (This is the reason it is big in sales and management training.)

In therapy NLP can produce quick and powerful results without the need to get someone to dig deep, or relive traumatic memories, in order to heal them. It also teaches how to manage themselves in order to reach their potential.

It really is an instruction manual in how to use our brain.

Brief history of NLP

NLP was first developed in the 70’s by a psychology student called Richard Bandler and an assistant professor of linguistics called John Grindler. They worked together to study what made 3 top therapists (Satir, Erikson and Perls) so successful. NLP was the study of the commonalities of the 3 very different approaches, putting these into patterns so that they could be modelled by others. (For this reason NLP is considered a science as well as an art as their findings can be proven, replicated and modelled.) Many other people, especially Gregory Bateson, also influenced the development of NLP, and it is still growing and developing to this day.

So what is it?

Neuro = neurological process, taste, touch, smell, sound and vision

Linguistics = language we use, internally and externally

Programming = way our brain responds to stimulus

NLP is very practical and simple to learn and apply – it leaves you with the tools to take away and use to improve all areas of your life.

It is based on the 3 ‘legs’ of NLP:

1. Know what you want (setting goals, good communication etc)

2. Know if you are getting it (are you on the right track to achieve what you want)

3. Have the flexibility to change until are getting it (if you aren’t on the right track, how do you get back on it)

This has a much wider application than purely ‘goal setting’, it applies to everything we do, eg. when I talk to you, am I getting the response I wanted?  Many of these goals are unconscious but by identifying them we can ensure they are achieved, eg. over-eating, often we do not consider if eating is the best way of achieving what we want, in fact quite often it can be damaging yet we keep eating. Is the goal really to feel good rather than because we are hungry, and will what we eat leave us really feeling good? Essential to NLP is leaving us with more choice about how to respond, so we can chose the best available option rather than the only one we know.

There is also something called the presuppositions of NLP – beliefs that are core to NLP being so effective, here are the main ones:

1. The meaning of communication is the response you get. If you want someone to understand you it is up to you to communicate in a way that they understand, and if they don’t - change the way you communicate. (an example of this is when English people go to France and think that if they shout in English the French will understand, then get frustrated when they don’t!!)

2. Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have at that time. Everyone wants to be happy and avoid pain, even if their behavior suggests otherwise. It is similar to ‘walk a mile in someone’s shoes before you judge them’. Sometimes people behave in the only way they know how, and continue until they learn a new way.

3. Everyone has a different model of the world. This follows on from above – the way each person perceives the world is a reflection of their past experiences and the way they responded to them, and no two people are ever the same.

4. The behavior is not the person. Quite often we judge people on their behavior instead of looking behind it; at any given point they are just a person behaving that way in that moment. We all know that we behave differently under different circumstances. However….

5. The most important information about a person is their behavior. It tells you what is going on for them in those circumstances, so that we can not only look behind to see why but also how to respond to them in the now..

6. The mind and body affect each other. This is widely accepted although most people still don’t use it to their advantage, ie to help you feel confident in a situation by thinking in a certain way, or to help you think differently by changing yourself physically.

7. People have all the ability they need to succeed. Just because someone doesn’t know how to do something doesn’t mean they can’t do it. As mentioned before we use, on average, less than 10% of our brain so that’s a lot of it we are wasting just because we don’t know how to use it.

8. I am in charge of my mind, and therefore my results. As above – we have the capability to learn how to use our minds better. Instead of just accepting our old thought habits and pretending we can’t change them, we can take responsibility for ourselves and learn how.

9. The words we use are NOT the event or the item they represent. They are just that person’s perception of the event; remember the adverts where a situation is completely different depending upon where you see it from?

10. If what you are doing is not working – DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Jung defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, but how often do we do that? ‘This time it will be different…..’

11. There is no failure, only feedback. Feedback is just a nudge back onto the right track, yet we seem to turn it into a reason to give up totally. See it as a sign and it transforms the experience.

12. The person with the most flexible behavior will be in control. Remember the 3 legs of NLP, changing your behavior to get you back on track. If you only know one way to behave and it isn’t working then you are stuck, whereas someone who is more flexible will change and get what they want.

So that is part of the foundation for NLP, now I will show you some simple examples of what NLP can teach you:

How we think

People think primarily in 3 ways – visually, auditory or kinesthetic. We can all think in all three ways but will favor one. If you close your eyes and remember your last holiday – do you remember it in a picture, as sounds or as a feeling? This will give you a clue as to your preference.

The words we use also give us another clue:

Visual thinking uses visual words – I see, look at, picture this

Auditory thinking uses auditory words – I hear, sounds OK, listen to me

Kinesthetic thinking uses kinesthetic words – feels right, gut feeling, uncomfortable with.

If you say ‘does this look right?’ to a person who favors kinesthetic then they will find it harder to understand you than if you say ‘does this feel right?’ So using the right language with someone can greatly improve your communication skills.

Another clue is watching someone’s eye movements. When someone thinks in a visual way their eyes will move up, an auditory way they move sideways, and kinesthetic down. For your average right handed person visually and auditory moves to the right side indicates new thinking, and the left remembering something. Kinesthetic is down right, and down left is talking to yourself:

This is only a small part of what we can learn about how we think, and how to tell how others think. And is a minute insight into what you can learn through NLP!!

Other fascinating facts:

The strongest drive for human beings is familiarity, much stronger than survival even (which explains why people stay in damaging situations). In primitive times hunters would return to their cave and look out for anything different to warn them that a tiger may have entered the cave, this instinct is still very strong. When we experience something new our brain does a quick scan for any memory of something similar and responds appropriately, before we have time to consciously decide how to respond, eg seeing a rope in the grass and reacting as if it were a snake, then realizing our error. This response is the same mechanism for phobias as it is for other fears that we cannot rationally explain, eg how a certain tone of voice makes us freeze just because it reminds us of someone from our past, or much deeper issues.

NLP has a range of techniques that enable us to change how we remember an event from our past, it cannot erase memories however it can heal their hold on us so we can react to the situation we are in rather than that + our past.. Timeline is one such very powerful technique.

 ‘NLP in a nutshell’ can only show you a glimpse of the magic of NLP, it really does hold the keys to learning how to transform your life for yourself. If you want to learn more there are plenty of great books out there, some general and some covering specific topics, eg. improving sports performance, selling, improving communication skills etc, or visit www.anlp.com or www.nlp.com.

 Alternatively you can contact me to ask any questions.