Decision making made easier

Nothing happens until you decide.

Horizon recently did a documentary on decision making which I thought might be interesting but turned out to be very dull. What I did get out of it though was that people seem to have difficulties making decisions, so I decided to do a quick guide to easier decision making.

Most problems are caused by an inability to make a decision, and if there is no decision to make then the decision is to be at peace with it. As the AA prayer goes:

“God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference."

There are a number of ways we make it hard on ourselves to decide, and being aware of them can help you avoid them:

1. We put pressure on ourselves to make the right choice. There often isn’t a right choice as we will never know what would have happened had we chose something different. Often I’ve been faced with a ‘too good to lose’ option that I’ve passed on only to be glad afterwards, or even made choices that looked ‘wrong’ only to find down the line they were right. The problem with putting that kind of pressure on yourself is that it causes stress and your adrenalin starts pumping, which is designed to only allow you to make survival/ life or death decisions and therefore you will find it even harder to decide. Adrenalin causes you to want to fight, flight or freeze – which are common reactions to an inability to choose.
2. We put pressure on ourselves to decide right now, which again raises our stress and pumps adrenalin. Marketing doesn’t help with this as they deliberately try to force you to decide quickly as you are more likely to buy than fear missing out.
3. We over-think something. Our brains are more powerful than computers and very quickly process information and make a decision, the right decision. We then intellectually pull it apart and add ‘what if’s’ instead of trusting it.
4. We let others influence us. It is good to gather information but only you know what is the right choice for you. Other people rarely give an objective opinion, it’s what they would do (and they are not you) or it’s what will be easiest for them.
5. We don’t get enough information. If you are finding it difficult to decide it could just be that you need more information.
6. You are deciding based on how it will affect others rather than what is best for you. Now this might seem like a good thing to do but if you genuinely chose what is best for you it will benefit others. Giving into someone else’s demands is not helping them.

 

Tips on how to decide

1. The 100% accurate way to decide is on intuition/ gut feeling, however most people mix this up with feelings caused by their thinking, eg. if you worry you will feel dread, but this is a different feeling to your gut telling you to stop. The best way to hear your intuition clearly is when you are not thinking. If you get quiet and focus on your breathing, and then ask yourself what you really want, or what is the best option you will get an answer. Trusting yourself takes practise, and it’s helpful to keep a record of when you trusted your intuition and it was right. Another way of accessing this is muscle testing I use in Soultalk and have taught some of you, or dowsing a pendant.
2. Relax and take the pressure off. If it didn’t really matter what choice you made, which would you choose?
3. Do a list of pro’s and con’s. Getting your options down on paper helps you to see them clearer and compare.
4. Brainstorm alternative options. Sometimes we think there is only one choice when in fact there are many, we just haven’t thought of them yet. The Creative Whack Pack by -----  can help open your thinking too.
5. In NLP they do something called modelling, whereby you take on the strategy someone else uses successfully. So you can either ask someone else how they make decisions or think about a decision you made easily and use the same technique. Walt Disney was ‘modelled’ and the way he worked was to firstly take on 100% dreamer role – so he let himself be completely outrageous and unrealistic in his thoughts on a topic. Then he was 100% critic on the same topic, and finally 100% realistic by combining the too. This is much easier than being all 3 at once inside your head!
6. Gather more information. The internet is a great way to access information, or examples of what other people have done in similar circumstances, eg. if your decision is about how to best help someone else then learning what others have done can give you ideas.
7. Visualize yourself as following each option, and how you will feel after the decision is made. What will be different? This might give you some new insight, or highlight any fears you have that are hindering your choice.
8. Finally there is a wonderful little exercise you can run through whereby you make a choice then ask yourself:

What would happen if I did?

What would happen if I didn’t?

What wouldn’t happen if I did?

What wouldn’t happen if I didn’t?

This confuses the mind so it drops any intellectual fears and helps you think more clearly.

The more confident and relaxed you get at making decisions the easier and quicker it will get. If you can make simple decisions such as what to wear and eat you have all the capabilities to decide anything!

©2008 Kathryn Hodgson

This article can be reprinted freely as long as the entire article and the above resource box are included, and a copy is forwarded to me.