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Kathryn Hodgson |
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Happiness 'Indeed, man wishes to be happy even when he so lives as to make happiness impossible.' (St Augustine) 'Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.' (Mohandas K Ghandi) Everyone says they want to be happy, and I think it is a great motivator in life, yet if you were to sit down and think about it would you say you were happy? I mean really happy as in wouldn't change a thing, rather than it's OK? Or are you too busy to be happy? And if so, what are you busy trying to achieve? I think there has been a great game of chinese whispers on happiness because we all seem so busy chasing what we think will bring us happiness rather than what actually will. And it never really brings happiness, it’s just no-one wants to admit they are unhappy as we seem to think it means there is something wrong with us when really we are just doing the wrong thing. How did we get in this mess?? There have been many studies on who is happiest and what brings happiness, and yet most people still follow the masses chasing the wrong things. When I teach meditation I go through all the research and scientific tests that prove it’s benefits – miraculous improvements in health and happiness being just two of these. And it is free, and simple, and can only take up 10 minutes of your time each morning. Yet often people don’t bother, and that always fascinated me as I know if I could hand it out in pill form everyone would want it. The reasons I came up with are firstly that it takes time to see benefits (two whole weeks) and often feels strange to begin with, and secondly – it isn’t something others will praise you for when praise is often one of the ways we get artificial happiness. This means you have to go through a period of adjustment and trust you will be better off (and also why most people wait until things become unbearable before they change.) Happiness is an inside job, we have everything we need to be at peace right now no matter what goes on around and yet for some reason we’d rather buy it, either in goods or in acceptance from others, than look inside ourselves. Yet looking inside yourself is the only way to real peace that never runs out, and if you have that then you have no stress and life is easy. A lot of stress is caused by trying to be someone we are not – filling a role that we have either been given, or gave ourselves to avoid rejection. Feeling inadequate comes from comparing ourselves to someone else’s standard about how we should be, whereas being happy involves being who you are designed to be. Now I think I need to clear up some myths about this looking inside yourself: * You don’t have to relive pain and face things that are difficult. It helps to heal past wounds but there are ways to do this that are quick and painless if you know how, and in my experience just deciding to heal can be enough. It’s the avoiding that causes the most pain. A lot of pain will also heal naturally as you look inside without even focusing on it. * It isn’t self indulgent or selfish – in fact it’s the opposite. If you are at peace you have more energy to give to others and are nicer to be around. * The real you is wonderful. I remember at the start of this journey for me I had a great fear that I would find out that deep down I was a horrible person. It’s impossible for that to be true. If we take away all pain and negative thoughts there is only peace for everyone – no exceptions. We only do destructive things to distract ourselves from internal pain. * You don’t have to become a hippy and forget about success and material things. It is still possible to function in the outside world while at peace – in fact you will function better and achieve even more! (and appreciate it more). Think back to how differently it feels when you get something you love but don’t need, and how it feels to have to have something and be miserable without it (which is caused by telling yourself that that object brings you happiness). * You won’t change, you will just be more relaxed and happier. All the good stuff becomes stronger and the negative stuff fades. You will become more of who you want to be. So how do you start this process? I’m going to recommend some books at the end as they will give you much more in depth help than I can here, and cover some of the points in more depth in future newsletters, but here are some tips to start you off; # Allocate time for you, and get it in a routine. Even just 10 minutes a day can have a huge accumulative affect. Use that time to do something just for you. # Learn to meditate. # Get to know yourself – what do you love doing? What is your dream? Who do you admire? What do you do that completely absorbs you so you forget about everything else? (That’s when you are 100% inline with who you really are) # If I had a magic wand and you could wake up tomorrow with 3 things different about you – what would they be? (eg. more confident, worry less, say no more, manage stress better etc). Pick one and research it, and do what it takes to change. If one method doesn’t work try another. # Any negative emotion inside you is caused by negative thinking so start learning how to change that, and keep learning. It’s like a muscle that you need to keep flexing rather than do just once! Here’s a quote that sums this up: You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realising who you are at the deepest level. (Eckhart Tolle) Your happiness has nothing to do with what other people do - them changing will not make you happy, at the most it will give you relief. It’s a bit like you giving yourself a bruise and then blaming others for touching it. Heal the bruise. # Write a journal. If you free flow with your writing and just let every thought out it will help you see how you are hurting yourself. I also recommend having conversations with yourself – get to know how you really feel without censorship, and notice any criticism. # Challenge your own thinking – how do you know what you are telling yourself is true? What if it isn’t? Remember what I said about Chinese whispers – just because you have always told yourself one thing, and even if those around you agree, it doesn’t make it true. Most people believed the earth was flat and looked how that turned out!! Is it worth risking your happiness by assuming it is true rather than finding out for sure? # Look after your physical health. This will improve as you get happier but you can also boost it by changing little things. Last year I started taking good quality vitamins as my research found that most over the counter ones are inadequate, and also that it is impossible to get a balanced diet any other way. I noticed a huge improvement quickly. I’m also about to start doing chi gung as again my research has shown this gentle breathing exercise can be more beneficial than any other exercise. # There are millions of amazing things you can learn to help you be happier and have an easier life, start looking for them. (Just because they are not talked about in most newspapers and magazines doesn’t mean they don’t exist!) # The real you is in this moment – thinking about the future or past disconnects you from who you are. Learn how to fully focus on what you are doing in each moment. It’s OK to plan ahead or learn from the past, but then come back to now to move forward. Wasting energy by thinking of the past or future too much doesn’t change anything – in fact it often prevents solutions from coming through. One thing I’ve learnt is that when I am in the moment I get the perfect ideas and answers through very easily. # Pause. Before you do anything, or make a decision pause and breathe. Sometimes we can get so caught up in our thoughts that we can’t think clearly, or get a sense of what we really want. It’s like finding your balance before you set off again. I recently read about how the great martial arts masters pause and assess their opponent before they begin a fight as it helps them be clearer and think about the best approach. Fools rush in…. # Breathe. Bizarre as it sounds by breathing properly, and being aware of your breathing, you will quieten your thoughts and be more aware of you. It’s also a great way to relax. # Get out of your head more. We think way too much, and lose awareness of what is going on in our bodies. We are meant to be a combination of mind, body and soul – what % of each day are you aware of each? When people talk about being ‘in the zone’ and excelling at something, whether it’s sports or more intellectual pursuits, they say that their thoughts go still and they work on instincts and just know what to do. Pick one and give it a go for a few weeks – you have nothing to lose and so much to gain And if you want further evidence read the biography of anyone who is happy and at peace (especially those who have gained success, wealth etc and then realised it wasn’t enough) I guarantee they do some, if not all, of the above. I hope you choose happiness this year. Recommended Books: The Art of Happiness by The Dalai Lama The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle Loving what is by Byron Katie Learned Optimism by Martin E. P Seligman Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl The Endorphin Effect by William Bloom Fearless Living by Rhonda Britten The Highly Sensitive Persons Survival Guide by Ted Zeff
This article can be reprinted freely as long as the entire article and the above resource box are included, and a copy is forwarded to me.
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