This too shall pass

'When you find yourself in hell, keep going' (Winston Churchill)

'Giving up is a final solution to a temporary problem' (Greta Weissman Klein)

Whenever I think about what to write for this I think back to what I’ve been learning, and this week has been a real struggle for me. Not only am I working somewhere seriously understaffed with those we do have very stressed, I had the bright idea to stop taking sugar, yeast or caffeine for a week, starting last Monday. What a shock that was to see how ill I felt, wow. I feel good now but staying calm and kind whilst all that was going on was a struggle at times. 

So this month I thought I’d share things I’ve learnt for difficult times, there is a lot so just see what sticks and appeals to you. Just one can change how you see things:

• They are made worse (and even made in some circumstances) by our thinking. Even physical pain can be eased or intensified by how we think. The trouble is that when we are facing a difficult time our adrenalin starts pumping and we fear the worst and our thoughts go into panic mode. If you could actually stop them and calmly look at them you’d see they are not true, and certainly not helpful. The fact that other people would react differently in your situation is testament to this fact – the difference is what you are thinking.

• One thing that always helps me is to think about how I would help someone else in this situation. It’s a great tip – step outside the situation and think what advice you would give. It detaches you from the emotions and helps your thinking lose it’s grip. And boy did I need that this week! With all the meditating I do I always am aware of what my thoughts are, and this week they have been such complete nonsense.

• Another way is to write down a sort of rant about the situation so you can see exactly what untrue thoughts you are telling yourself. When you are stressed your thoughts might seem real (as you are in panic) but I guarantee you if you were calm they would seem way OTT. You could even write and then step outside yourself and see what advice you would give back. (or better still – do some of Byron Katie’s The Work on them)

• Remember that being tired, stressed or physically ill can make your mind go manic and talk nonsense, so it’s best to focus on feeling better than on what you are telling yourself. It’s sure hard to see what to be grateful for when you have an aching head and lots to do, but that is precisely what you need to do. It’s almost like your mind gets stuck and you need to drag it out of the mud. Once you have you will feel physically better too.

• Do you wanna be right or happy? I love this phrase as it stops me in my tracks. I remember first hearing it from Dr Phil in Life Strategies and he was relaying his story about advising Oprah when she was being sued. He told her that instead of wasting energy on how unfair it is she should use her energy to put it right. I know that when things are difficult it is so easy to blame others or feel life is unfair but really that is a con and keeps us stuck, we choose our own thoughts and responses. I remember Wednesday night I just wanted to crawl into bed and feel sorry for myself but I made myself do some Evo-K and I instantly felt better, and consequently everything else looked different too.

• Then of course there is the great advice ‘Lord grant me the strength to change what I can change, the ability to accept what I can’t and the wisdom to know the difference’. Do what you can and let the rest go.

• What do you need to learn? In order to feel at peace right now what do you need to let go of or gain? It could be learning to trust all will be well, or how to calm your mind, or healing old wounds. There will be something that the situation is designed to teach you. I remember hearing that life teaches you by first throwing pebbles at your head, and if you don’t get it it throws a brick, and if you don’t get it then you will be slammed into a brick wall to make you listen! What are you not getting? Is this a situation you have had before?

• I’m learning that all difficult situations are just opportunities to learn how to be at peace and happy with yourself no matter what. I had achieved that state in my past situation so I was given a fresh challenge, and the stronger I get at it in more situations the less I will be knocked off balance. Just looking at situations with that attitude changes them, and as I said before it can detach you from your thinking and help you get perceptive. And you need that because if you are stuck in the middle of panic thinking and tips like this seem insane.

• Ask yourself what you are afraid of. They say we come from either a place of fear or a place of love. If you are finding a situation difficult it is coming from fear. A good way to get out of it is to say out loud ‘if I weren’t afraid I would….’ over and over for 3 minutes every day. What is the real issue? And how can you resolve it.

• Remind yourself that it isn’t the situation, or other people, that make things difficult but your thinking of it. Again Byron Katie is a great teacher on this – she says it’s people’s jobs to be how they are, it’s your job to be who you are in response. Who are you? Angry? Fearful?

• Be in the moment. This is another way to calm your thinking and allow you to gain perspective on a situation. Right now in this second how are things? Not how you fear they will be, or how they were, just right now. Look around and narrate what you see, feel and hear. Meditate. Breathe. Do things you love, or that make you feel good. We are usually in the moment at these times, which is why they feel good. Plus you only have this moment, and everything can only be dealt with as it happens anyway.

• Assume the best. If you are not 100% certain things will be a disaster why torture yourself with that thinking? It will only stress you and make you handle things worse than if you were relaxed. In fact stress stifles creativity so there might be a solution that you can’t see because you are stressed. I often say the most responsible response is to be at peace because from that place you can clearly see what needs to be done. If professional sports players or musicians were in a state of fear they would perform at less than their best, and so will you. And difficult times are when you need to be at your best, especially as it can seem like an endurance race. You never know what is round the corner too, things can, and do, completely change in a second.

• Get rid of shoulds. When I think about what I should be doing, or how things should be, or even how others should be it causes stress. And it always will. There are no shoulds, it just is how it is. People are how they are to teach you something you need to know in order to be at peace. (Read this beautiful story on that theme http://www.sapphyr.net/largegems/littlesoul-thesun.htm)

• There are countless techniques you can learn to instantly release stress, calm your mind and help you cope – you just have to learn them and do them. EFT, Byron Katie’s stuff, The Sedona Method, listen to inspiring talks, parts negotiation, Evo-K, NLP, meditation, prayer and many, many others.

• Sometimes we look for solutions in completely the wrong place. If you focus on calming your thinking and being at peace all other things will be resolved, or you will know exactly what to do. My detox was not planned, it just naturally happened as a result of clearing so much stress that the next stage for me was dealing with health concerns. I did exactly the same with giving up smoking and drinking – I didn’t decide, plan and struggle with it, it just happened naturally the more at peace I became, as did all other difficulties in my life. And hookie as this sounds – my relationships with other people, and their behaviour, changed as I did, so the belief that other people need to change first is nonsense.

And at the end of the day what choice do you have? Suffer or do what it takes to be at peace and handle the situation in the best way you can.

I know there is a lot here, it’s more about getting you to look at things differently and pursue what appeals, but if you want me to expand on any point let me know. I want to do what is most helpful to you. Feel free to give me feedback and suggestions.

©2009 Kathryn Hodgson

This article can be reprinted freely as long as the entire article and the above resource box are included, and a copy is forwarded to me.