Happiness is contagious

Live your light not your lampshade. Gerard Jampolsky MD

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Jim Rohm.

I’m beginning to realise more and more that energy really is everything, and that’s not just because I’m obsessed with The Dog Whisperer who shows so perfectly that a dog’s behaviour is directly related to it’s owners energy. I recently read a scientific study that shows this is true for humans too, and more so. The Framington Heart Study is a huge study started in 1948 and they are following thousands of people over time to see what influences heart disease. In 1983 they decided to look at happiness, with a focus on if it spreads. And boy does it spread – they found that if your friend is happy you are 15% more likely to be happy than if they are not. More than that, it spreads to friends of friends, ie if your friend’s friend is happy you have a 10% chance, and friends of friends of friends influence your happiness by 5% even if you don’t know them! The degree of influence depends on proximity, and they found that co-workers have no significant influence, and surprisingly spouses only influence your happiness by 8%. (you can read a fuller summary here http://articles.latimes.com/2008/dec/05/science/sci-happy5 )

Basically the study found that if you are happy it is contagious, as opposed to just choosing to be around happy people. So this means you literally have the power to change the world by being happy! It is worth noting, however, that this is a long term effect rather than a one off, so the odd period of unhappiness has little effect, and fake happiness likewise.

Now if you’ve read the guide I wrote on how to get along with anyone you will remember that I said that your energy influences how others behave, and this just backs that up. Your energy is basically your emotions, and in my experience people are sometimes unaware of the emotions they give off simply because they are so much in their head that they just don’t notice. This is especially true with people who are constantly stressed – they are so used to it that their idea of relaxed is actually still stress.

We all know that some people lift us and some leave us drained, but how often do you think about what energy you are giving out? A way to test is to go sit in silence and do nothing – how do you feel? If you are relaxing then you weren’t relaxed before, or if you feel agitated that’s the energy you give out. It can still have a subtle affect on others even if it’s not a huge one. The more work you do on getting yourself happy and calm, the better it is for you and everyone else (and a damn sight easier than trying to get others to change). And yet isn’t it still deemed as selfish to focus on yourself? Actually it’s the opposite.

Now as well as realising what great influence you have on others, there is also the fact that others influence you. Obviously happiness is a good influence but likewise negative emotions can affect us. A different study found that if students were given mildly depressed roommates then after 3 months they had become more depressed. Children of depressed parents also often end up feeling depressed until they leave home, and then it goes.

Now all this is not so you can blame others for how you feel because not only are you passing your energy on too, there are many things you can do to protect yourself from the negative influences. One of which is simply that the happier you are the less impact negative energy has on you, and there are many, many studies and techniques that can help you become happier if you choose to.

Other options are things like limiting your time around negative energy and counterbalancing it with positive. Thinking of things that make you feel happy, doing things that make you feel happy, relaxing, meditating, listening to music, walking in nature – anything that changes how you feel to the positive with drive out the negative.

For some of you healing past emotional wounds will increase your capacity to feel good, and again make you more able to resist others negative influences (and a knock on is that you will no longer want to spend time with negative influences).

Some people are simply more physically sensitive than others, and therefore will soak up energy easier – both good and bad. This means you will both be dragged down quicker and potentially lifted quicker. I recommend reading any of the information on Highly Sensitive People for those in this category.

Meanwhile here are some tips on being happier:

* Meditate – as mentioned many times before it changes your brain and increases your ability to feel positive emotions. 2 minutes a day can make a difference.

* Have a purpose – we need meaning in our lives. What motivates you? Why do you do what you do?

* Look after yourself – eating unhealthy, lack of exercise and little sleep reduce your capacity to feel good.

* Get out in nature – natural energy is positive, plus in towns there are a lot more stress around to soak up.

* Help other people – it has been proven that showing kindness to others benefits you as well as them.

* Give time for you – to focus on you and do what you love, treating yourself is sending a message you think you are worth it.

* Strengthen your ability to be happy - it’s no different than going to the gym, you need to build your capacity up. Once you learn EFT it can take a few minutes, and in the free EFT manual (see below) it suggest you make a list of things you want to change and do one a day. 3 minutes a day to increase your happiness.

* Make time for the people you care about – it’s easy to let this slip when you are busy but it is vital – as per the Framington Heart Study mentioned earlier.

* Remind yourself of what you are grateful for – make a list. It’s easy to focus on what you want and what is wrong and we forget all the good things.

* Forgive and let go of past hurt – resentment is a major block to happiness. Forgiveness is about you healing you rather than saying what they did is OK. It’s letting you off the hook rather than them.

* Make time for mindless fun – with no goal other than to have fun. Not everything is about achieving.

Society has a big thing about achieving and being seen to be doing the right thing or putting others first, but as we’ve seen, and what you really know, is that happiness is far more important. Then you can achieve and help others in a much better and beneficial way. It can feel a bit like stopping a steam train and changing direction if you are not already focused on happiness, so start with small changes. I got given some gorgeous candles that I light in a morning and the smell makes me feel great and starts the day off well. Such a small thing but it does make a big difference. 

As ever – contact me if you need any further help.

Be happy.

Recommended reading – The Art of Happiness by The Dalai Lama, anything by Martin P Seligman (Learned Optimism, Authentic Happiness etc), Happiness by Matthieu Ricard,