Smallest step for the biggest difference
 
 If I asked you what you most want in life you will probably say to feel happy, or at peace. And if you think about the reason's why you want anything - it's usually to make you feel better, whether it's a new job, car, holiday or anything - it's because of the feeling having it will give you. Now the real route to an easier life is to be able to feel that good whether you have what you want or not (then you don't feel desperate, frustrated or scared when not getting it). Of course it is still fun to get what you want but you don't NEED to have it to feel good, you don't need X to behave differently, or more money, or to be fitter etc. That's true freedom.
 
 So how do you get there? Well, how you feel starts in your mind - it's your attitude and beliefs that determine how you experience life. I will explain this in a later newsletter but basically it's not what happens but how you think about what happens that determines how you feel and react. An example might be if you go into a situation telling yourself it will be fun, or it will be difficult - each will have a completely different feeling attached, and outcome. Most of those beliefs and attitudes are given to us as we grow up but don't necessarily serve us well now. Unfortunately our minds are such that we would rather believe what we tell ourselves than even consider there might be a better way to think! Then of course there is knowing how to do it.(I will cover this in various different newsletters).
 
 The mind is like a muscle - you are used to thinking a certain way and it needs retraining. One way to do that is to start becoming aware of things you are grateful for. So often we focus on what is wrong, or what we want that we forget to remember what is good so take it for granted. Have you noticed that when someone asks you what you want you rarely mention what you want and already have? The other night I looked up at my lampshade and remembered how gorgeous I thought it was when I bought it 6 months ago, yet can't remember the last time I even noticed it. It's still gorgeous and I enjoyed appreciating it. When you notice what is good in your life you feel happier and things flow easier. It's when you focus on what's wrong and get grumpy that clogs life up.
 
 Sounds way too simple, right? I'm still amazed at how this little exercise can have such a huge impact on your life when you do it. A great way to start is to keep a gratitude diary where every evening you think of 7 things that day you are grateful for and they have to be new things. You can start with roof over your head, food in the cupboard etc, but then you have to start looking for things. You will soon find yourself noticing through-out the day things to put on your list, and of course you will end the day on a happier note. You need to actually write things down though, if you try to do it mentally you will forget.
 
 This exercise can be adapted too, some people do a gratitude diary for what they are grateful for in their partner, or job, or whatever area of your life you wish to change.
 
 If I am feeling stressed or worried about something I also make myself start listing in my head all the things I am grateful for, including how in that moment, or day, things are fine (worry is usually about something further in the future). It's amazing how quickly it can change how you are thinking and feeling, after which things look differently too. Give it a go.
 
 A gratitude diary can be the first step to having control of your thoughts, and as I said suffering is caused by how you think so if you can control how you think you can control how you feel, and therefore what you create in your life. (and I just know someone is saying it's X who causes my suffering by being so nasty, well no. Re-read my guide to easier relationships - you change your thinking and how you feel and either they will change or you will just walk away at peace no matter what they do).
 
 There was a great quote from Aaron Sorkin who wrote the hugely successful The West Wing TV show, then the less successful Studio 60. When asked who's fault it was the second show flopped he took full responsibility and said he reminded himself how great it is when what you complain about was what you once dreamt about.
 I remind myself of this whenever I get annoyed at something in my house - there was a time when moving here was a dream come true, remembering that is a much better way to feel.

©2007 Kathryn Hodgson

This article can be reprinted freely as long as the entire article and the above resource box are included, and a copy is forwarded to me.