Kathryn Hodgson

Goal Setting? Hmm

“How good can you really stand it to be?” Sonia Choquette

I seem to have a different view to goal setting than the traditional way - anything about making things happen, committing and discipline just send me running in the opposite direction! Sure I believe you can achieve goals with hard work and force, but who wants to work hard when there’s an easier way? I think for a lot of people the easier way is the scarier way though, especially as we are conditioned to believe we should work hard.

So what is the easier way to achieve all you want? Well – it’s simply clearing away everything that stops you from being 100% you, which would naturally move you towards what you really want (you want what you want because it fits in with who you really are). The image I have is of a car with the engine running, with feet on the accelerator and the brake. You can either take your foot off the brake and allow the car to move forward – or just keep pressing harder on the accelerator. I believe we have an in built GPS that will steer us to where we really want to be, rather than where we think we should be, so really all we have to do is clear what stops us from letting the car go where it goes.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t know where we want to go, in fact it can make it more fun. It’s just that we first need to make sure we aren’t just heading where we think we should go. There’s a big difference. Fear and doubt cause us to create goals that relieve those feelings, eg. to be how we think others want us to be, or to get a ‘successful career’ to prove our worth etc. In reality if we let go of those fears and doubts we will get all we want, and a damn sight quicker too, eg. I used to be terrified I wasn’t who I thought I should be and spent a lot of time trying to be that person, and when I finally let go of that fear I found that I actually already was that person, I just didn’t see it because of my fear.

The 'brakes' I talk about are those fears and doubts, not believing in yourself or trusting that you can be who you really are, and do what you really want; the stuff that makes you happy, not just less anxious. If you remove them you will be all you are meant to be, and achieve all you are meant to.

I was just reading Oprah’s article on her putting weight back on, and she said it wasn’t about food – it was about her not caring for herself enough. She knows if her life is in balance her weight isn’t a problem. It’s the same with any goal – care enough for yourself to remove what stops you from achieving your goal naturally. This is how I gave up drinking and smoking, and how I work with addictions. Remove the cause, remove the fears and doubts that drive you to the behaviour you want to change, and find your personal reason that is big enough to propel you forward. It isn’t about changing the behaviour – it’s changing what causes the behaviour.

For example I’ve been wanting to exercise (I won’t say more as I didn’t use to exercise at all!) and tried every suggestion going – discipline, routine, making it fun, reminding myself why etc - but I told myself that is was a good for me, I should, I’d look better etc. None of it worked as those motivations mean nothing to me. I then read that if you want to be your best then the physically fitter you are, the better you’ll be in other areas. Bingo – I’ve been exercising 3 times a week for 2 months now, and love it! Being the best I can be is one of my main motivators in life and by engaging that I found it easy to achieve my goal, without it I flunked spectacularly (I don’t think I ever lasted more than a week, lol)

Finding your personal reason to achieve something happens when you remove those pesky fears and doubts, or if you already know – they highlight those fears and doubts so you can remove them!

So my ‘goal setting’ plan is:

1. Find out what you really want, both short term and long term, big and small. Ask yourself – If I was guaranteed success and applauded for doing it, what would I do? Or another way – if I was adored what ever I did, or however I was, what would I choose for myself? Write it down, or create a collage to remind you about what you really want. A good way to check your motivation is to ask yourself why, and if it has anything to do with what other people will think then it's the result of a fear. 

2. Start working on yourself and zapping those fears and doubts. Writing can help you identify what it is you tell yourself that talks you out of achieving what you want. And trust that you will be shown what needs working on. A book, or a person, or a course or lots of other things will happen to help you see what you need to learn next, and how. Also beware of what you have been conditioned to believe about how life should be, if it causes you stress then it ain't good, eg. how you should look, what success should be like - basically any shoulds. Doing this will also make your whole life easier and happier, in every way.

3. From this you will learn more about yourself and what works best for you. What are your personal motivators, what is most important to you? Also – are you a big picture or details person? If you are most comfortable with the details then working towards a bigger picture will de-motivate you, and vice versa. Do you prefer working alone, or with support? Do you want abc instructions, or to be left to decide yourself? Do you work better to a deadline, or without one? Everyone is different, so you are better off finding your own personal formula than following someone else’s, unless you need some more detailed guidance to begin with (and there’s plenty of that out there, or I can help you).

4. And finally – you need to follow opportunities as they arise. And without those fears and doubts this will be great fun, because you are free to do what you want to rather than what you feel you have to. In fact fun is our GPS, and if we follow what we’d find most fun we’d achieve so much more, but fear clouds our ability to feel real fun (rather than artificial ‘escape my fears’ fun). I used to panic when doing presentations, but after removing my fears I found I love it. Had I not done that I would’ve avoided doing what I wanted to do rather than feel panic.

In reality these steps are not linear, in fact you need to be moving towards your goals to uncover some of those fears and doubts. What I suggest is to start by visualizing doing what you want, and zap fears as they come up, then start looking at how to make it happen and zap more fears etc. Don’t force yourself to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ – the fear is there to show you what you need to change before you are ready to move on. And beware of fears disguised as apathy, or excuses. If you aren’t naturally spending time and attention on your goal then it’s either the wrong goal or there’s some fear at work. 

I hope this has helped you think of what you want to achieve in a different way, or if not at least confirm that you’d rather do the traditional goal setting method!

As ever please feel free to e-mail me any questions, or use my message board… it’d be great to hear how people are doing, and I can offer you support as you achieve all you want to.